Episode 25: Showing Up Authentically Transforming Connections
Who am I when I stop being what everyone else needs me to be?
In this episode of Midlife Moxie with Nicole Hate, we explore what happens when you stop performing and start showing up as your authentic self in relationships. Nicole dives into the messy, uncomfortable truth of transformation, how authenticity acts as both a filter and a catalyst in romantic partnerships, family dynamics, and friendships. She shares the real barriers that keep women trapped in people-pleasing patterns, what moxie actually looks like in connection, and practical strategies to transition from performance to presence. This isn't about being difficult—it's about being real. And it starts with one honest moment.
In This Episode, You'll Learn:
What "showing up authentically" actually means in midlife (and what it doesn't mean)
How authentic relationships fundamentally differ from performative ones
The real barriers preventing women from being authentic—and how to dismantle them
What moxie looks like in romantic relationships, family dynamics, and friendships
The honest truth about risks and rewards of dropping the masks
Practical strategies using nervous system awareness, reframing, and visualization
Nicole's personal stories of friendships that faded, family friction, and career exits
Key Takeaways:
Authenticity isn't about being difficult—it's about being real. The "difficult woman" you've been suppressing isn't the problem; she's the revolution your relationships have been waiting for.
Performance is exhausting, and midlife is when the cost becomes unbearable. Your body starts to rebel against the constant vigilance required to keep everyone else comfortable.
Some relationships won't survive your authenticity—and that's information you need. The connections built on your performance aren't actually connections with you; they're connections with the role you play.
Moxie in relationships is choosing authentic connection over comfortable performance, even when your hands are shaking. It's the willingness to show up as yourself—desires, boundaries, opinions, emotions, and all.
The transition happens through small, consistent practices. You don't need a grand gesture. You need the pause, the body wisdom check-in, the reframe from "selfish" to "self-honoring."
Midlife convergence creates the perfect conditions for this work. You have the wisdom, the urgency, and the biological shifts that support your liberation.
Practical Strategies Mentioned:
Practice the Pause: Create space between request and response
The Friendship Test: Ask what you'd tell your best friend in this situation
Reframe "Selfish" as "Self-Honoring": Disrupt the guilt programming
Start with "Not Yet": Bridge between automatic yes and clear no
Identify Your Authentic Yes: Learn what genuine desire feels like in your body
Future Self Visualization: Borrow confidence from who you're becoming
Body Wisdom Check-In: Notice expansion vs. contraction when making decisions
Resources & Next Steps:
This episode is part of the November 2025 theme: Moxie in Relationships (Focus: Connection & Authenticity).
If you're ready to transition from people-pleasing to authentic connection and need support navigating the messy middle, visit my website to explore working together.
This episode is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment.
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DISCLAIMER: This podcast may cause sudden outbreaks of truth-telling, boundary-setting, and unapologetic self-expression. Side effects include losing people who preferred you silent.
