Episode 28: When Solitude Stops Being Selfish: Learning to Be Alone in Midlife
Life is short. We get one shot on this spinning rock. So why are we still waiting for permission to want what we want?
In this episode, I'm talking about something that for many women, especially in midlife, feels both deeply necessary and utterly terrifying: solitude. The art of being alone. I share two personal stories I've never told before—going to a concert alone six weeks after my dad died, and the unglamorous truth about eating lunch in my car for years just to get 30 minutes of peace in corporate. Both taught me the same essential truth: you don't need anyone else's permission to want what you want. We'll explore why midlife creates an urgent need for solitude, the difference between solitude and loneliness, the lies that keep us from claiming time alone, and practical strategies for stealing moments of peace even in the busiest life. If you've ever felt guilty for wanting time alone, or wondered if needing space makes you a bad mother/wife/daughter/friend—this episode is for you. Because sometimes, sacred exits begin in parking lots. You just don't know it yet.
What You'll Learn
✨ Why midlife women experience a biological revolt against constant performance
✨ The crucial difference between chosen solitude and imposed loneliness
✨ Five lies that keep women trapped in constant availability
✨ How to handle difficult feelings that arise when you finally get quiet
✨ Practical ways to claim solitude when your life feels impossibly full
✨ Why your "selfish" desire for space is actually essential
✨ How survival solitude transforms into sacred practice
Practical Ways to Claim Solitude
Find the cracks in the day.Solitude lives in five-minute moments you're currently filling with everyone else's needs. The time between dropping kids at school and starting work. The fifteen minutes after everyone goes to bed. Create and hold boundaries.Put time with yourself on the calendar. State your need, don't ask permission: "I need Saturday mornings for myself. I'll be available from noon on."
Know what kind of solitude you need.Restorative (rest), active (movement), or reflective (processing). Matching the type to your need makes limited time more effective.
Work with the guilt.Notice it, acknowledge it ("Hello, good girl conditioning"), and stay anyway. You're not trying to make it go away—just refusing to let it dictate your choices.
Reflection Questions
What small moment of solitude can you claim today?
Where in your life are you still waiting for permission?
What would change if you treated your need for space as essential instead of selfish?
What lie about solitude has kept you trapped in constant availability?
If you could take yourself on a "date"—what would you do?
This episode is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment.
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DISCLAIMER: This podcast may cause sudden outbreaks of truth-telling, boundary-setting, and unapologetic self-expression. Side effects include losing people who preferred you silent.
