New Year's Intentions vs. Resolutions
Why Midlife Women Should Opt Out of the Self-Improvement Grind
It's that time of year again. The gyms are packed, the diet ads are relentless, and the world is screaming: "New Year, New You!"
And I'm here to say: Bullshit.
What if this year, you didn't try to become a new you? What if you had the audacity to become more of the woman you already are…underneath all the layers of good girl conditioning you've been carrying your entire life?
In this week's podcast episode, I'm breaking down why New Year's resolutions fail, what makes intentions different, and how to approach a new year with moxie instead of shame. Here are a few key insights to get you started:
The Resolution Trap Is Designed to Keep You Small
New Year's resolutions fail because they're built on a foundation of "not enough." You're not thin enough, productive enough, organized enough. The entire premise is that you need to fix yourself before you're worthy. And for midlife women? The messaging goes even deeper—we're told to make ourselves smaller, quieter, more convenient, all while being shamed for wanting more.
Here's the truth: resolutions fail because they're rooted in shame rather than desire, punishment rather than pleasure, external validation rather than internal truth. When they fail (and they will), you spend the rest of the year feeling like a failure—which conveniently keeps you small, apologetic, and easy to manage.
Intentions Are Invitations, Not Orders
The sacred difference between resolutions and intentions? Resolutions are orders you give yourself from a place of inadequacy. Intentions are invitations you extend to yourself from a place of possibility.
A resolution says: "I will go to the gym five times a week or I'm a failure." It's rigid, punishing, all-or-nothing.
An intention says: "I want to feel strong and alive in my body." It's flexible, curious, oriented toward desire rather than discipline.
Can you feel the difference in your nervous system? One makes you tense up. The other lets you breathe.
Start by Asking: What Am I Done Tolerating?
Approaching the New Year with moxie means asking a different question. The self-improvement grind asks, "How can I fix myself?" Moxie asks, "What am I done tolerating?"
This one question changes everything. It shifts the focus from your supposed flaws to the systems and situations that are draining your soul. What parts of your life are you maintaining for other people's comfort? Where have you been performing goodness when you should have been demanding change? What would you do if you weren't afraid of being called selfish, difficult, or "too much"?
Name What You're Becoming, Not What You're Fixing
Here's the revolutionary shift: instead of starting with what's wrong with you, start with what's emerging in you. You're not broken. You're buried. There's a difference.
Instead of "I need to lose weight," try: "I'm becoming a woman who moves her body with pleasure, not punishment."
Instead of "I need to be less selfish," try: "I'm becoming a woman who chooses herself without apology."
Feel that? One is rooted in shame. The other is rooted in possibility. You're not trying to fix yourself—you're excavating the woman who's been buried under decades of conditioning.
Two Bonus Practices to Start Your Year with Moxie
1. Create a "Not-To-Do" List
Before you decide what you want to do this year, get clear on what you're NOT doing. Not apologizing for your needs. Not performing gratitude you don't feel. Not attending events that drain you. Not maintaining relationships that don't serve you. Active non-participation is just as powerful as action, and sometimes more revolutionary.
2. Set a "Permission Word" for the Year
Choose one word that gives you permission for something you've been denying yourself. Maybe it's "pleasure." Maybe it's "selfish." Maybe it's "rage" or "rest" or "no." Write it somewhere you'll see it daily. When you're facing a decision, ask: "Does this honor my permission word?" Let that be your compass instead of someone else's expectations.
Ready to Ditch Resolutions and Embrace Intentions?
This blog barely scratches the surface. In the full podcast episode, I share:
The 5-step process for setting sacred intentions that honor who you're becoming
My own messy journey with body acceptance and business boundaries (including the parts where I still struggle)
Specific examples of moxie intentions vs. typical resolutions
How to opt out of the self-improvement industrial complex and handle the cultural pressure
Why acceptance isn't resignation, it's revolution
Listen to the full episode: Moxie for the New Year: Setting Intentions, Not Resolutions
This isn't about becoming someone new. This is about becoming more honestly yourself, dangerous, powerful, inconvenient, and free.
You are not a project to be fixed. You are a woman emerging. And she's magnificent.
Choose her.
Ready to bury the good girl and reclaim your dangerous, unapologetic self?
I guide women through deep pattern recognition and identity reclamation using various practices.
Book a Call - Let's explore what's really keeping you stuck and whether working together is the right fit.
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Because the world doesn't need you to be a better good girl. It needs you to be free.
This content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're experiencing concerning symptoms, please consult with a qualified mental health professional.