The Hidden Purpose Killers: What Your Good Girl Conditioning Taught You About Meaning (And Why It's Wrong)
This post accompanies Episode 20 of Midlife Moxie: "Purpose Isn't One Thing: Finding Meaning in Unexpected Places"
You know that gnawing feeling when someone asks, "What's your purpose?" and your stomach drops feeling like you're about to take a pop quiz you didn't study for?
That reaction isn't random. It's the result of decades of conditioning that taught you purpose should look a certain way. You know…impressive, selfless, and definitely not about what you actually want.
In my latest podcast episode, I talked about dismantling the myth of the "one true purpose." But today, I want to dig deeper into something we didn't cover: the hidden beliefs about purpose that good girl conditioning embedded so deeply, you might not even recognize them as the cage they are.
The Good Girl Purpose Playbook
Here's what good girl conditioning taught us about purpose:
It must serve others first (and you last, if at all) The message was clear: worthy purposes are about sacrifice. If it feels good to you, if it energizes you, if it brings you joy—it's probably selfish and therefore invalid.
It should be humble and quiet Ambitious purposes? Purposes that put you in the spotlight? Purposes that require you to take up space? Those are for "other people." Good girls find purpose in the background, supporting everyone else's dreams.
It must be practical and responsible Dreams are nice, but purposes should be realistic. Safe. Something your mother would approve of and your father would understand. Art, creativity, adventure—those are hobbies, not purposes.
It shouldn't make you money (that would be impure) The ultimate good girl trap: if you're getting paid well for it, it can't be your true purpose. Purpose requires financial struggle to prove its authenticity.
The Permission You've Been Waiting For
Here's what I want you to know: Every single one of these beliefs is a lie designed to keep you small.
Your purpose is allowed to:
Serve you as much as it serves others
Be bold, visible, and unapologetically ambitious
Feel wildly impractical to people who don't understand your vision
Generate abundant income while changing lives
Evolve as you grow and change
Center your gifts, your passion, your vision
The Three Hidden Purpose Killers
Let me walk you through the three most dangerous good girl beliefs about purpose that keep midlife women stuck:
Purpose Killer #1: The Martyrdom Mandate
The Lie: True purpose requires sacrifice. If you're not suffering for it, it's not meaningful enough.
The Truth: Sustainable purpose energizes you. Yes, there will be challenges, but the overall trajectory should feel expansive, not depleting.
The Reframe: Your joy is not the enemy of your purpose—it's the fuel.
Purpose Killer #2: The Humility Trap
The Lie: Good girls don't have big, bold purposes. Stay small, stay humble, stay hidden.
The Truth: The world needs your full power, not your perfect performance of modesty.
The Reframe: Taking up space isn't selfish—it's how you create space for others to do the same.
Purpose Killer #3: The Purity Test
The Lie: If it makes money, if it feels good, if it serves you—it's not pure enough to be your real purpose.
The Truth: Abundance and authenticity can absolutely coexist. In fact, they should.
The Reframe: Getting paid well for work that lights you up isn't impure—it's the universe saying "yes, more of this."
The Sacred Rebellion of Authentic Purpose
Here's what recovering good girls understand about purpose that the conditioning tried to hide:
Your purpose is allowed to be about you. Not entirely, but significantly. You're allowed to choose purposes that align with your values, energize your spirit, and honor your authentic nature.
Your purpose is allowed to change. You're not locked into one thing forever. Permission to evolve, to outgrow old purposes, to discover new ones as you change.
Your purpose is allowed to be profitable. Money doesn't corrupt purpose—it amplifies it. When you're financially supported doing what you love, you have more energy to serve at your highest level.
Your purpose is allowed to be visible. Hiding your gifts doesn't serve anyone. The world needs what you have to offer, and you're allowed to offer it boldly.
Your Purpose Permission Slip
As you listen to Episode 20 and think about your own relationship with purpose, I want you to write yourself a permission slip. Fill in the blanks:
I give myself permission to pursue a purpose that _______________.
I give myself permission to let go of the belief that my purpose must _______________.
I give myself permission to trust that what energizes me is _______________.
The Bottom Line
Your conditioning taught you that good girls find purpose in the shadows, serving others while diminishing themselves. But here's the sacred rebellion: Your authentic purpose is supposed to honor both your gifts AND your desires.
The world doesn't need another woman hiding her light under a bushel of false humility. It needs you, fully expressed, powerfully purposeful, and unapologetically authentic.
Your purpose doesn't have to be one thing. It doesn't have to be humble. It doesn't have to impoverish you to prove its worth.
It just has to be genuinely, authentically, powerfully yours.
Ready to dive deeper? Listen to Episode 20: "Purpose Isn't One Thing, Finding Meaning in Unexpected Places" where we explore practical tools for discovering what makes you feel most alive—without the pressure of finding the "perfect" calling.
This content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're experiencing concerning symptoms, please consult with a qualified mental health professional.